It’s always mattered to me where I live. From an early age was enamored with the idea of moving away from Iowa, leaving forever, and going to live in a utopian city somewhere. For a long time, this perfect escape was Canada, a mythical place where some aunts and uncles  lived and where my dad was from. In my imagination, Canada was a place I could go to start fresh, a magic bullet for my personality flaws.

This dream lasted well into my adolescence, even representing a possible escape after the results of the 2016 election were returned. It wasn’t until I saw more of where we were from that the charming veneer wore off, the yellow fields of Saskatchewan as more of the same, more Iowa than the state itself. More of the same.

It became a thought experiment through college, where I could end up after graduation. I explored, visiting Chicago, Minneapolis, and Montreal. Still, I wasn’t happy enough in my time anywhere. Each city failed to provide me with any sort of conviction.

I’m reminded of Thomas à Kempis’ take on the matter. “You cannot escape it no matter where you run, for  wherever you go you are burdened with yourself. Wherever you go, there you are.”

Pondering this evicted my ideal of a found sort of satisfaction, total harmony between myself and my environment. There was no magic bullet. There was no  Canada.

This untethering changed me, and I became aimless. No longer striving for a childish ideal, it was easy to float, considering life from more angles. Everyone lived somewhere, and I still had more of a choice than most in where I would live.

Unfortunately, the best visioning device I could come up with was to picture my gravestone in various locations, in different biomes, and even in various languages. Imagining ashes scattering in the wind, ocean, or river. Trying to come up with places where I could be at peace forever.

Finding the AmeriCorps VISTA program felt like a ray of light. I was 20 and about to graduate college with no experience in my field, having rushed through school to try and reach life on the other side. To hurry through it and move on to the place I would finally begin to live. Young and in need of experience, I picked a town in  Montana that fits my preferred start date and area of focus.

It took months before I began to realize how lucky I am.

The town I had chosen was beautiful, rich in history, and known as a literary town. It even has a train running through town, alongside a large Depot built in 1902 – now used as a community event space. As a train lover, I’m enamored with it. My service assignment can be described as broad, with a focus on community and climate resilience. To be paid to not only get to know such  lovely community but also to work towards protecting it from what I see as the biggest threat in our lifetimes is a privilege.

Every day I hope to make this town a better, more resilient place to live for myself and all the wonderful people I’ve come to know here. This town has not only given me a place to live, but it’s provided a purpose at a time when I needed one.